The Holiday Suprise

The holidays symbolize many different things for many different people. We have religious differences, which require me to change my "Merry Christmas" greeting to "Happy Holidays" in an effort not to insult my clients, friends and family. Some people have a tradition of celebrating with family while others take the business lull as an opportunity to travel the world. For me, this holiday started out normal enough and has since taken me by surprise. My usual routine of traveling to San Diego to celebrate Christmas with my aunts/uncles/cousins/parents/sister/grandparents did occur. On Christmas morning, we flew back up to San Francisco to be with my fiance's family and our friends and their new baby. We celebrated, exchanged gifts, we ate, we drank, we were jolly and merry...

So, why so surprised? This holiday, I was slapped in the face by the dichotomy between old and new. Old and new traditions, and people. While the holidays are normally just a great excuse for me to take time off work, eat anything I want and spend time with my favorite people, this year was symbolic. The surprise this holiday was a realization that life can (and will) change in an instant, followed by the intense desire to make the most of what I've got.

Without boring you with the minutiae, this realization stemmed from two main things. 1) I am getting married and my family is no longer the only priority over the holidays and 2) we welcomed our close friends' newborn baby into the world and were confronted with the reality that our grandma was preparing to pass. Spending time with a newborn and loved one that is nearing death is a jarring reminder that we are all a part of the cycle of life. Dr. Sheldon Soloman, a psychologist who is one of the creators of terror management theory, explains it well: "To recognize that you are finite and not particularly pleased by that prospect is to momentarily divest yourself of all of the culturally and inter-personally constructed delusions and fantasy bonds that have sustained you for your whole life. And you can’t do that without momentarily, psychologically speaking, dangling on the precipice of oblivion. But then and only then can that real kernel of who and what you are begin to emerge and that’s when we’re going to see people, myself included, at their best."

At my best...

Sure, as humans we know we are going to die and things will come to an end. Until now, I don't think I ever fully embraced this concept and been so motivated to ingrain it into my life choices. Was I wasting my precious time? Traveling the world and experiencing new people and cultures makes me feel alive. I will always have the yearning to escape to a beach or experience a far away country. But the sobering reality is that life doesn't just wait for me to come back. People are born and people die, and someday so will I.

Inspired by this surprise gift, my new years resolution is simply this - be more mindful and deliberate. Sure, mindfulness is ALL THE RAGE these days, with meditation and yoga at the forefront of the commercialized revolution. What mindfulness means to me today is to be patient enough to sit and read through my emotions. To understand if there is a negative and/or a positive feeling and to give it a purpose. Simplify. Was there an external event that made me feel good? If so, keep doing that. Do I hate going to work everyday? Time to change jobs. Is there a person that continues to create negative emotions? Spend less time with them.

In addition to mindfulness, being deliberate in my actions and how I spend my time is crucial. We have limited time to spend doing what we love and being with people we care about. Make more of an effort to do you. Make sure your champions know who they are and are treated with the love and support they deserve. Define what it means to be "at your best". And finally, strive to be who you are when you are at your best.

My holiday surprise was one that was needed. A liberating reminder that although we can't control our destiny, we can control our actions.

May your days be merry and bright, and Happy Holidays ;)