Therapy

November 8th, 2016 will be a day that I will remember for the rest of my life. The work day was normal enough, yet filled with conversations about voting lines, call centers, Nevada, Florida, Hillary and Trump. I remember a friend of mine messaging me with, “Wow, I am getting nervous”. “Me too,” I replied. She asked what I will do if Hillary doesn’t win, and I said verbatim: “I will be depressed for at least a week.” At that point, I still didn’t think she could lose.

The Election Night party started in full swing – energy circulating the room, friends catching up, drinks being poured. I remember the moment I saw Florida go Trump, my stomach went with it. I went straight into shock mode. I continued to make my way through conversations, this time not looking at CNN on TV in the background. As the night wore on, I consumed copious amounts of wine and watched as the moods at each candidate’s respective Election Night gathering flip-flop. The moment I saw Trump walk to the stage to accept his nomination, I remember having an out of body experience. I felt like I was in a movie, watching the plot theme make a horrifying twist. Only, this wasn’t a fucking movie. This was real. After listening to his entire speech, including the part when he mentioned he will be in office for “2, 3 maybe 4 years” (seriously, WTH?), I resigned to sleep away whatever it was I was feeling.

I would say my “depressed for a week” assessment was accurate. I compared the feeling to my first dog, Remy, dying. The moment I would start to go on with my normal life, suddenly I would remember that Trump was my president (i.e. that Remy died). Then all the sadness would seep back in. My friends, some whom voted Trump (and are still my friends), would ask me my thoughts about the election. I had nothing to say. At that time, all I needed to do was sit back and process.

Today, December 14, 2016, is the first day I have finally felt inspired to articulate what the current state of our country means to me.

First off, I will make every effort not to give Trump the unbeknownst satisfaction of my time or energy. Truth be told, I despise the man. I reject what he stands for and what games he continues to pull and get away with. I want to slap him in the face. Just the visual gives me some satisfaction. I will call him my President, as I am a proud American, but I will never respect him as a person.

Second, I don’t think the United States is going to implode due to the election. Four years will not ruin this country. America is great and will continue to be. We have had hundreds of moments in history where this type of insane event has occurred. The two-party system is what it is, and this back and forth policy change is nothing new.

Third, the most frustrating part of these past five weeks has been watching the appointments of Trump’s cabinet. The fight over oil is, and historically has been, the cat nip for conservative appointments. The Russian involvement in the election and the new Secretary of State’s obvious ties there are directly linked. Rick Perry, Governor of Texas and the new head of the Department of Energy, a) wants to disband it and b) didn’t even remember the name of the department during a debate!

We are getting played, and it is so glaringly obvious.

Let’s not even get started on the ecological impact over the next four years. All I can do is pray to God that we can reverse whatever damage the next four years are going to do to our environment.

Fourth, I am very concerned with global trends that have epitomized in the election of Donald Trump. The underlying theme is a xenophobic, nationalistic collective of voters who prioritize exclusivity instead of acceptance. Regardless of where these feelings come from, some of which are valid, the overall theme of “This is my country, get out” is reverberating around the world. All in a time when we are experiencing one of the worst refugee crises in global history.

Lastly, what this election has done for me is changed me. I am no longer the idealistic voter who thinks that the high road will always be victorious. A person can get away with saying lies, insulting veterans and admitting sexual assault and still be elected the President of the United States.

Instead of wanting to play the same game, this understanding makes me want to join the millions of Americans who want to create a new one. Thank you, Donald Trump, for igniting the fire.

Yet at the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves, at what cost?